Business-to-consumer marketing has always been the backbone of successful organizations. It’s also been the left femur and one of the metatarsals, but why quibble over etymology? The reason you’re reading this post right now is to find out how to better zero in on your target market — so give yourself a pat on the back, a lift of your bootstraps, and hang on; it’s going to be a bumpy ride:


The meaning of mobile


People don’t stay at home anymore. They’re out and about, busy working and shopping and pursuing the American Dream — which is to work yourself to death and then go on Medicaid. And it can all be done faster and more efficiently with a smartphone or tablet or wrist device. So you, as a marketer, must make sure that you have the most engaging content possible for the mobile viewer. Nothing complicated or too flashy — it’s best to recaption old “Far Side” cartoons, so they endorse your product. And make sure that your marketing apps are so sensitive to debit and credit cards that if one comes within ten feet of a mobile device it will automatically charge full price for your brand.




You can never do too much research before launching or retooling a brand. Analyze everything to death and hold dozens of long meetings that lead to inconclusive assumptions — then go out for late night sushi. After several months of this intensive lollygagging you’ll be ready to go on vacation for several weeks. We recommend a stay at the Hotel La Grippe near Mount Bong in Liberia.