When was the last time you really looked at a billboard while on the freeway? When was the last time you actually paid attention to a television commercial (outside of the Super Bowl, that is)? When did you last read a newspaper made out of newsprint and notice any of the ads? And when was the last time you sent flowers to our boys over in the Republic of Upper Volta? It’s all one and the same — digital marketing has usurped the traditional marketing modes until they seem quaint and antique; something for grandma and grandpa to simper over in their rocking chairs by the fireplace (which, by the way, is probably also digital.)

Online marketing trends point to several important paths that your business needs to be traveling down in order to rise above the herd, or heard about the rice . . . all these cliches are starting to give my dyslexia.

Giving back to the community

Ding it into the heads of all your online customers that your company is committed to giving back to the community. This will impress the poor fools into thinking your have a heart and not just a cold and calculating algorithm inside your chest.

What’s goose for the gander is sauce for neither one

In other words, never take chatbots for granted. Make sure that these inexpensive and unstoppable mindless drones make each of your client’s lives a living heck that will follow them to their graves. This is what is known as “Good Customer Service.”

Have you had your PEZ today?

By that we mean ‘have you posted so much dreck on social media today that 60 Minutes is sending a reporter to your office?’ Annoying people online may not be easy, but as a marketer it’s your sworn duty to uphold.